Saturday, April 21, 2012

Letter To Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Thinley,
I am writing this letter knowing that you will never know I write this epistle. I am writing this letter knowing that you will never read this chit. I don’t know where exactly you are and I try not to know where you are despite wants of this wounded heart which cannot be healed as long as there are feelings in my heart, memory in my brain and soul in my body.
I am also sure that by now, the shadow of memory of me will have been washed away by storm of your present being. I am sure that the ghost of past may be replaced by undying spirit of your strong present being. I am sure that my name will be erased from your memory by current state of affairs. Though I tried so hard not to hear about you but I got wind of news that you are a loving mother and the dutiful wife. I heard that you are residing somewhere in the east.
Today I was listening to my heart which tells me that every song has a story, every heartbeat has a reason and every life has a purpose. Suddenly, I remember that what purpose of my life was before you left me. How my castle of hope was destroyed   when foundation of love was shaken by storm of fate. It is difficult to rebuild the broken hope despite relentless effort. In the process of rebuilding hopes in life, I have realized that the castle of love and hope is built with material of glass. The glass once broken is so hard to be glued.
As I am half way through in process of forgetting you, the strong desire filled my heart to read the diary I kept for a year after that eventful breakup between us. The diary shows how hopeless I was and how worthless I felt in another country while you were wooed by your colleague in the institute. The Diary shows how betrayed I felt when you go for that gentleman just within four months of our distant relations. As every cloud has silver lining, there is a silver lining even in you deserting me. I have now mature enough to be man. I have now understood the rationality of existence in the world. I have now developed the habit of keeping backup plan.
 Even as I say I am mature enough, I feel the vacuum of longing as I cannot feel your presence. I lost the major inspiration of my life. You were the inspiration and are the inspiration. I have a feeling that you will remain the inspiration of mine in future. After the break up, I had a few relationships that never seemed to work because memory of you always obstructed the happiness of relation.  I used to be sad whole day if I even briefly dreamt of you in my sleep. My whole day used to be spoilt if somebody mentioned same names as yours. With much struggle, I have managed to block you from my head and I have learnt to accept he life as it comes. I have leant to want what I get as I have realized it is not easy to get what I want.
Today, as I burnt the diary that recorded the pains of break-up, I wished to erase faintest stain of you from my memory. As you have a separate life, I am too starting to start family of my own. I just wish that I would at least be half happy as you are. Even though, you will never know me again, I like to assume that you will bless me in journey of my family.  Hope this letter never makes a way into your life….

Dorji Tenzin

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