Three Miss-Inspiration of My Life
Behind every great man, there is support of a great
woman. Man, though they came from Mars need support of woman who came from
Venus. In Chinese, man and woman are yin and yang factor. Man and woman may not
be able to live with each other. More importantly, they can’t live without each
other. The masculine nature has to be balanced by feminine charm. Without
co-existence, the very human life on the earth would be put into jeopardy
unless you are a saint sprung from lotus. Even Lord Buddha needed both father
and mother to enter this world. Many claimed that man like Buddha was born from
ribs of Mahamaya. But in heart of my heart, I wondered how he could come into
earth without feminine crevice that man desired so much. Without father’s
injection of fluid, even greatest man can’t be born unless you are Jesus Christ
supposedly delivered by Virgin Mary though I suspect Virgin (ironically)
Married(not Mary) could be the apt explanation. Thus, man needs woman and woman
needs man for their very existence in life.
Like every great man has support of great woman,
so did I in my life sometimes in positive way and other times in negative way.
Either way, I have support of many great women in my life. Imagine Gandhi becoming
Mahatma if his wife was as demanding as others. His wife sacrificed great deal
of family life and carnal desire. Even their children sacrificed their
ambitions for great but selfish ideology of Mahatma Gandhi. On other hand,
Socrates had wife who always belittled and tongue-lashed him. Without her
acerbic and cruel nature, Socrates wouldn’t have become greatest philosopher of
the world. Where else would Socrates learned truth about life from and
practiced patience.
As an ordinary man living an ordinary life, woman
always have been inspiration of my life. For that I am thankful for all women
who crossed my path. Apart from many great women in my life, I am inspired by
three women to write nonsense and senseless articles about my life. However, I
have to admit all my writing goes directly into trash bin because I know it is worthless.
Nevertheless, I thanked those three women of my life (excluding my sister of
course).
Firstly, Thinley was poetry of my life. I would be
lost in her perpetual beauty describing every creases and shapes of her body. I
would be immersed in her calm forms, sweet voices and compassionate eyes. Every
night, I would find myself writing a poem likening her voice to that of cuckoo
(not alluding to its brain of course), her eyes to still water, her tears to morning
dews, her nature to Nangsa of north and her face to 15th day moon. I
would cry at her slight displeasure and would dance at her slight eyelift.
However, the dreams must dreams and people ought to wake up to reality anyway.
I woke up from poetry of my dream when she left me for another guy.
The sad day of my life began as I was tortured in
college by her leaving. How I wished I had never gone to study in foreign land.
How I wished I was a dead even before I met her. I felt my heart was broken
into thousand shreds. But then life must go on. The broken dreams had to be
rebuilt shred by shred like a slab of stone put together to build a majestic
mansion. Then there came a prose of my life Deki.
Slowly, I tried to construct my life like a novel
plot by plot, word by word and step by step. I would write a story painting her
as angel in white (she was) rescuing me from nightmare. I would write a story
keeping me as hero and her as heroine completing the story with happily ever
after as I have read in many fairy tales and watched in many hindi movies. But
as a human, we can’t live in poetry and novels. We can’t live in imaginary
world for we are human conditioned to face high and low of life, roughness and
smoothness of journey and sunshine and rains of emotions.
Then came the reality of my life. Before I knew we
had relationship. She was pregnant. Before I could blink twice, I was becoming
father. They say happiness of being father is unrivaled. But I feel nothing; no
happiness, mirth or excitement. I just feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for getting
myself into mud of reality. I feel sorry for giving myself a chance to be
dragged into mundane life where quarrelling, shouting and disagreement filled
the atmosphere of my existence.
Once again, I want to fly into world of
imagination where I can write how painful life on the earth is. I want to write
about groans and moans of human life. I want to write about disagreements of
relationships. I want to live in the land of peace. But then, as I am deep in
reality, I cannot grow the wings of imagination. I believe I have to rot in
reality cursing the life I never had.
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