Friday, September 14, 2012

To The Gift of Past

Dear Gift 
I am writing this epistle as a gift from your past. I am writing this letter as the ghost of days gone by. I am writing this chit as an apology for promise not kept. I am writing this as excuse for my humanly failure. I am writing this as a friend to old best friend. I am writing this as wretched man to a beautiful and noble woman. I am writing this as an ex-lover to betrayed lover.
As a cliché phrase goes, hours turn into day, the days into week and weeks into month. As unruly time travel its unending journey, ten months have passed. Ten months ago, we were not what we are today. We were younger by literal calculation of time. We were lovers by measurement of human relationship. We had a dream by standard of human expectation. Moreover, we had a promise kept to be broken by frail nature of human attitude.
Today, after 10 months, we have become what we didn’t promise to be. I have become husband of an expecting woman. You have become lover of another man. In next two years, you will become mother and wife.  Day by day, we are becoming stranger. In next 10 years, we may not know each other. In next twenty years, either of us may leave this world for good. As the time goes by, the distance transforms familiarity into dis-familiarity. The compilation ends in dispersion. The meeting ends in departing and the birth ends in the death. Slowly, the meeting caused by merit of thousand eons ends and we became stranger for next thousand eons. That is what destiny does; making us mere actors and actresses in grand stage of the world. 
With thousand of thoughts and millions of thanks, I would like to send this letter to you. Hope you will go through this letter. If your heart refuses to open this letter of mine, I will take a solace knowing that at least this paper has a privilege to be burnt to ashes by your hand; the honour I was so unfortunate to receive.
Four years ago, I was deep into the sorrow of life questioning my existence. Everything seemed worthless and I was living dead like a drying log devoid of water and kept in the scorching sun. I was betrayed by one with whom I had dreamt to be together. I lost the one with whom I promised myself to share highs and lows of the life. I tried every means possible to be who I was before. I was crying every single night. My pillow would be drenched with tears; the tears I hated to shed for woman who wasn’t worth my love.
Then you walked into my life like an angel from heaven above (if there is one). Your love rejuvenated the life that was first fading from my body. You cares watered the wrinkled corpse of mine. Your calls made me forget the woman who betrayed my love. For the first time in life, you made me the person I am. You made me better person than before. You made me dream once again. You made me to believe once again that all is not lost. I promised myself that I would walk with you, hand in hand through thick and thin of life. I promised myself that I would have the better dreams with you. I promised myself I would never let you go. But today, I became the person I dread most; the betrayer of love, destroyer of hope and terminator of dream.

Ten months ago, I shattered my own dream once again. I betrayed your trust, love and care. More than that I let to be betrayed myself. I let my guard down and let myself to be carried away by the wind of desire. I am not saying sorry for what I have done because I know you will not forgive me. I am writing this to console your feelings because I understand what you are going through. You might be going through same feelings as I had gone through 4 years ago. You might be questioning your own existence. You might be feeling worthless and used. You might be having difficult time to rebuild your dream. You might be estimating volumes of your tears which you feel would fill a vast pond and breed fishes.

All I can ask you is take this life as a web of dreams so that we are product of what is woven. Take this situation as a bad dream occurred within the dream. Take your life as a precious gift from the merit of your past. Take our relation as a teacher that taught us nothing is permanent and nothing will be. Take our relation as a light that would guide you through darkness of life yet un-faced.

At the maximum, 20 years down the line, we would be old people fearing to die and chanting prayers. As the death kneel rings, everything we did will come back to us rushing through our weak memory lane. I will take that time as an opportunity to pray that we be born together as man and woman once again and let me be the sufferer instead of you. I would pray to get all sufferings and give you all happiness. I will pray to Buddha, Dhama and Sangha that you be leader and I be the led in next phase of our relationship.
I have many things to say. I have many things to write. I have many things to repent. I have many deeds to be purified but I have nothing to make you happy. Therefore, I shall stop here with words that I will be ever grateful to you.

 Curse of Past

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