The experience of failure is bitter pills I got to experience when I was in the institute right after the royal civil service examination selection. The feeling of inadequacy and stupidity was so overwhelming that I felt like most stupid guy in the planet. I wanted to blame everybody for the failure except myself. It was so difficult to admit that it was anything but my fault. Actually, it was my fault. When somebody asked me at RCSC secretariat why did I fail, I said directly said that I failed because I didn’t know. My two friends (who failed like me) said that I was making fun of the man who questioned me. I wasn’t making fun of him because for failure I have nobody to blame but myself. If anybody asked me why I failed, I will always have a simple answer; I failed because I didn’t know.
However, if a person asked me why I didn’t pass when all other passed or why didn’t I score high marks I have many answers under my belt.
1. I didn’t pass because I didn’t sit next to a person having mathematics background and statistics background to copy and top the class.
2. Three of us couldn’t threaten lecturer for re-examination before sending marks to academic committee as previous two batches did. Lucky for them that they got to write re-examination in the same year.
3. I didn’t own smartphone with internet connection to be taken into examination room.
4. I never could inculcate habit of taking answers in shreds of papers hidden in my pouch.
Sometimes I wish I had taken heed of hint given by seniors. But on other hand, I am proud of myself because:
1. I wrote my assignment be it dzongkha or others unlike some people who let their better educated parents or relatives do it.
2. I am proud because whatever marks and failures I got, I deserved. I didn’t take what I didn’t deserve.
3. I am happy because I have no means to own i-phone. Otherwise, I would be grooming to be an academic criminal.
4. I am also proud because I didn’t pressurize my lecturer to give re-examination based on previous precedence.
I believe that whatever happened to me has a reason. I just hope it is a good one.